Parliament of Fowls

The title refers to an old folk song about ploughing the high seas in search of a better life - and then being attacked and sunk by pirates.

Interesting that the Tories have found themselves in trouble over what Andy Coulson did as editor of the News of the Screws, but although people try to excuse Cameron from the issue because he would have known about Coulson before he hired him in 2006, perhaps he didn't know everything. To be fair, I hardly think Coulson would have admitted he did anything wrong before coming to work for Vulpes Vulpes, but the problem is that the Tories have been damaged here by association. I haven't been following the story - having a bit more Me time and looking for another job - but I think it is probably linked to the idea that Pluto in Capricorn is calling Pluto in Sagitarrius to account: the tactics used with impunity in the past are now being laid bare for the public to judge what is going on. Damian McBride was the first casualty of all this. But will Coulson redress the balance and make the Tories look equally foolish?

A reading will provide a few answers.

Situation: Ascending Aven - Blue - Bird Soldier

An interesting card. The bird is well armoured and although belligerent, not overtly evil or malevolent in intent. It may be that Coulson is defending himself well or it may also be that he has nothing to be ashamed of, legally at least. But it is still an aggressive looking card - a challenge to the PinS status quo, and a situation where there is still potential for fireworks.

Public appearance of Coulson's doings: Clockspinning - Blue - Instant

Time has moved on and the public are no longer tolerant of politicians' dirty tricks, as Smeargate proved. It's a kind of acceleration of the slippery slope towards the next election, and it could be what the Tories "need" in the way of scrutiny of their own affairs. It's essentially pushing a fast-forward button towards what I feel has been looming over the Tories' head for some time; depending on how Cameron handles being tainted by association with Coulson if he has done something wrong, the buck may even stop with him.

Internal reality of Coulson's doings: Brassclaw Orcs - Red - Orc

"Brassclaws were typical Orcs - quick to laud their own prowess in battle, quick to jeer at their opponents, and quicker still to run away when things started to look slightly dangerous."

A perfect summary for me of what the Tories have been doing for some time. They were taking the moral high ground so much over Smeargate you had to wonder what was in their own graveyards. If Coulson used unethical tactics in his editorship of NotW, has he used unethical, immoral or even illegal tactics while working for the Tories? Perhaps, perhaps not, but this is probably karma rebounding on those that were so quick to jeer during the early spring. For every Damian McBride, there is an Andy Coulson - and neither party now has the moral high ground. Interesting stuff ahead.

Roots of the Situation: Thermal Glider - White - Rebel

"The Mercadians are too busy looking down on us to see us coming." - Cho-Arrim rebel

In other words, the Tories were too busy trying to find dirt on Labour to believe that they were also acting unethically or had people who worked for them who had done so. The "protection from red" mechanic shows clearly that while Labour were unpopular, the Tories believed they were untouchable. As I said, what goes around, comes around.

Seeds sown by the situation: Crossbow Infantry - White - Soldier

The crossbow is the ideal weapon for the lazy Mercadians: just point and shoot.

It may not damage the Tories in the short term but the "lazy" word here confirms my idea that the Tories' own laziness is what will hurt them eventually - Coulson has been found out and may or may not go - I don't see Cameron sacking him at least, Cameron very rarely has the balls to sack anyone, as his behaviour during the expenses scandal has proven - but all this begins to take its toll on both parties, particularly as I have a hunch Norwich North might be an Independent gain if the expenses scandal is what drives the campaign forward. This won't help the Tories at all and the timing is utterly perfect - so perfect that one could think Dolly Draper or Mandy Mandelson must be behind it as revenge for Smeargate. Sad, but probably true, ventures Owlperson.

Advice to Coulson: Monstrous Growth - Green - Sorcery

The nightstalkers' little game of tease-the-squirrel suddenly took on an unexpected turn.

Coincidentally, Mr Coulson is a squirrel totem - and this shows him growing to enormous proportions. If he does keep his job, he has to grow up - he has to play nice, or the public won't like the people he advises.

Advice to the Tories/Cameron: Vintara Snapper - Green - Turtle

"The snapper is still when all else moves/And strikes when all are dozing." - Tales of the Vintara Forest.

The Tories need to lie still and stop bleating - and let Coulson be judged himself, or risk being dragged into this row. It's Coulson's doing as a newspaper journalist, not as a political spin doctor, but if he goes down, he should go down alone - not pulling Vulpes Vulpes with him. Thus the Tories could still jettison him while they have a chance. Unfortunately, of course, Cambo needs him as part of his "team" and thus is standing by him. Most of the time, people who become an embarrassment go very quickly when the person who is being tainted by association begins to suffer too, so I don't read too much into Cameron's initial endorsement of him. But a swift decapitation is needed to get them out of this mess too - they need to snap him off and leave him to face the music alone.

Warning to Coulson: Tidal Flats - Blue - Enchantment

The desolation and isolation of this card's art suggests Coulson really is alone, and that if things progress much further he will be abandoned by the Tories. Hopefully for the Tories' sake, the sooner the better; but a lot of people around Cameron are far too sticky for the Tories' own good, and Cameron shows a reluctance to get rid of people who are behaving badly which is a bad omen for government. But Coulson would certainly go if he became too toxic.

Warning to the Tories/Cameron: Icatian Moneychanger - White - Townsfolk

The concerns here are depicted by a figure who gives me the feel of the old slogan beginning "you have been weighed in the balance..." (or mene mene tekel upharsin). Perhaps Cameron should not stick to Coulson too long or he could be found rather wanting.

Direction: Merseine - Blue - Enchantment/Aura

This echoes the idea of the VIII of Swords in the traditional tarot, though without the connotation of the trap being a deadly one. Rather limitations restrict the situation to an outcome which may see the departure of another errant spin doctor. Removing the trap here requires strength, patience and resources, which are there but may or may not be used to greatest effect here. Regardless, the situation is one which is inescapable without a struggle.

Solution: Combat Medic - White - Soldier

"Although Icatia's Combat Medics borrowed much of their knowledge from other societies, their skills were their own." - Sarpadian Empires, vol. VI

Again the situation is soluble; with patience, thought and backbone things will definitely be better if the struggle is joined to get out of the net above with dignity. It's not an issue that is beyond hope for anyone concerned - but the right decisions have to be made without prejudice or arrogance.  Sadly, those two are qualities shared by our politicians of all stripes, so we should not really be holding our breath. 

Outcome: Icatian Scout - White - Soldier

"Scouting is the art of balancing the need to go undiscovered with the need to get all the information you can. It's only by Leitbur's good grace that I'm still alive today." - Ailis Connaut, Diary.

This is not do or die for the Tories, but they need to be aware of the pitfalls of association with Coulson and get better at recruiting spin doctors who can do what the scout does - gather information - without it being done in a dishonest or illegal way. The number of white cards in the latter part of the spread suggests it's not Gotterdammerung quite yet. It might also presage a return to honest spin as opposed to dirty tricks - which would be a relief after this spring and summer. But I still don't believe the party will emerged unscathed - it doesn't have a pedigree of doing the right thing over doing the expedient thing, nor does Cameron believe in reining in troublesome members who make him look bad. He may find himself no longer untouchable, but to be fair to him, I think he may raise his game a little bit more in response to this scandal than he would have done otherwise.

Game on.

I will dissect the issue with Andy Coulson a bit later but the CotD reading will read for both him and Vulpes Vulpes as they attempt to wriggle out of the universal law of fate that "what goes around, comes around".

COULSON:

Goblin Berserker - Red - Goblin

Goblins don't know the meaning of the word "tactics"—or the word "meaning," for that matter.

And Coulson doesn't know the meaning of the words "ethical journalism", either. Shafted. He's obviously the one in the wrong here, but if it goes to a Met investigation - will Cambo be so eager to endorse him?

CAMERON:

Counterspell - Blue - Instant

This card is the iconic "counter" to most spells in Magic - it, or its reworked variant Cancel (Cancel costs more to use and therefore is slower to come out in a game, making you save it for the really big things your opponent has to throw at you, like a Wrath of God, for instance) has won me a few games recently. To me this says that Cameron is the target of the countermagic - that his drive towards power trying to use Labour's dirty tricks against them (viz Smeargate) has fallen victim to the idea that journalists are never slow to challenge someone who sets themselves up as whiter than white. Cameron can't rely on Labour being hoisted on their own petard - he has to find something else, something genuinely positive to say about politics and policies before Coulson brings him down too.

Like I've been saying for three years now.

Jonathan Djanogly will today be quizzed by constituents on his claims for a cleaner and/or a nanny - it seems he employed her as a cleaner but she then advertised herself as a nanny/au pair on a certain website, raising questions similar to what Caroline Spelman was pilloried for last year over her payments from her Parliamentary allowance to her nanny.

The issue isn't really the bit about the nanny/au pair business - it's mainly that he only spent three days a month (on average) at the property. (His constituents might also like to question that bit too, whether in fact he is paying attention to Huntingdon properly, a seat inherited from John Major who, according to Owlperson, was much more solicitous of his constituents' goodwill.) £400 a month is quite a lot just for that. As usual it is the amount of money these people can claim from taxpayers in general

He is denying any impropriety and claiming that:

"I reconfirm my position that my claims were made within the law and the rules of the second-home allowance scheme," he said.

and yet:

"I will not make any further claims in respect of my second home until the system has been reformed."

Yet he was prepared to claim on an unreformed system for all this time. Like so much of the current crop of MPs, the people who are now falling over themselves to suggest reforms are the people for whom it became second nature to claim these sums, for properties which have in some cases (also see Alan and Ann Keen - Labour are far from whiter than white on this score either) remained empty for long periods of time. Djanogly is a millionaire, and, like the Keens with their double salary, it might also be fair to say that he could pay for it out of his own pocket rather than having to claim from the taxpayer. But that's too simple for some people.

A card, perhaps, for how Mr Djanogly will fare when he meets his constituents today:

Balefire Liege - White/Red - Spirit Horror

The card depicts an incorporeal but nonetheless potent and dangerous spirit who gives fillips to both red and white creatures - a nod to the sophistication involved with Djanogly's demeanour and the rage bubbling beneath his constituents' skin. The scandal is by no means over (and Benedict Brogan in the Telegraph last night asked why Djanogly's claim had been missed by Cameron's "strict" audit) - and although the reception will be civil, it will also be mutedly hostile. The spirit of the scandal burns away - but the rage is focussed and curt rather than diffuse and ineffective. Djanogly will run a gauntlet, and will probably survive, but be damaged with the rest of the Parliament of Manure until someone can come in and sort it all out properly.