Parliament of Fowls

Today's card is

Daggerclaw Imp - Black - Imp

The Simic use the claws as scalpels, while the Rakdos use them for tattooing and torture. The Gruul use them to pick their teeth after lunching on the rest of the carcass.

A kamikaze effort is made today by someone unable to keep their opinions to themselves. Given the stream of Labour women - not all of them tainted by the expenses scandal - lining up to accuse Gordon Brown of sexism or being a "Gordfather" or whatever, I'd hazard a guess that more is to come.

Today's card of the day does not bode well for someone trying to keep a lid on something private, discreet or secret.

Monstrous Growth - Green - Sorcery

The nightstalkers' little game of tease-the-squirrel suddenly took an unexpected turn.

Enough said.

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Just a bit of an update - sorry for not linking to the cards yesterday, the links are up now.

Also, the BBC have reported nothing unusual happening at Jonathan Djanogly's meeting with his Huntingdon constituency. Quelle surprise. We do all know what happened with Andrew Mackay in Bracknell, but this time it seems like Djanogly has got away with it for now; he did repay things before the scandal broke and he did 'fess up. But one hopes he got enough of a grilling to leave him in no doubt what people actually think.

The title refers to an old folk song about ploughing the high seas in search of a better life - and then being attacked and sunk by pirates.

Interesting that the Tories have found themselves in trouble over what Andy Coulson did as editor of the News of the Screws, but although people try to excuse Cameron from the issue because he would have known about Coulson before he hired him in 2006, perhaps he didn't know everything. To be fair, I hardly think Coulson would have admitted he did anything wrong before coming to work for Vulpes Vulpes, but the problem is that the Tories have been damaged here by association. I haven't been following the story - having a bit more Me time and looking for another job - but I think it is probably linked to the idea that Pluto in Capricorn is calling Pluto in Sagitarrius to account: the tactics used with impunity in the past are now being laid bare for the public to judge what is going on. Damian McBride was the first casualty of all this. But will Coulson redress the balance and make the Tories look equally foolish?

A reading will provide a few answers.

Situation: Ascending Aven - Blue - Bird Soldier

An interesting card. The bird is well armoured and although belligerent, not overtly evil or malevolent in intent. It may be that Coulson is defending himself well or it may also be that he has nothing to be ashamed of, legally at least. But it is still an aggressive looking card - a challenge to the PinS status quo, and a situation where there is still potential for fireworks.

Public appearance of Coulson's doings: Clockspinning - Blue - Instant

Time has moved on and the public are no longer tolerant of politicians' dirty tricks, as Smeargate proved. It's a kind of acceleration of the slippery slope towards the next election, and it could be what the Tories "need" in the way of scrutiny of their own affairs. It's essentially pushing a fast-forward button towards what I feel has been looming over the Tories' head for some time; depending on how Cameron handles being tainted by association with Coulson if he has done something wrong, the buck may even stop with him.

Internal reality of Coulson's doings: Brassclaw Orcs - Red - Orc

"Brassclaws were typical Orcs - quick to laud their own prowess in battle, quick to jeer at their opponents, and quicker still to run away when things started to look slightly dangerous."

A perfect summary for me of what the Tories have been doing for some time. They were taking the moral high ground so much over Smeargate you had to wonder what was in their own graveyards. If Coulson used unethical tactics in his editorship of NotW, has he used unethical, immoral or even illegal tactics while working for the Tories? Perhaps, perhaps not, but this is probably karma rebounding on those that were so quick to jeer during the early spring. For every Damian McBride, there is an Andy Coulson - and neither party now has the moral high ground. Interesting stuff ahead.

Roots of the Situation: Thermal Glider - White - Rebel

"The Mercadians are too busy looking down on us to see us coming." - Cho-Arrim rebel

In other words, the Tories were too busy trying to find dirt on Labour to believe that they were also acting unethically or had people who worked for them who had done so. The "protection from red" mechanic shows clearly that while Labour were unpopular, the Tories believed they were untouchable. As I said, what goes around, comes around.

Seeds sown by the situation: Crossbow Infantry - White - Soldier

The crossbow is the ideal weapon for the lazy Mercadians: just point and shoot.

It may not damage the Tories in the short term but the "lazy" word here confirms my idea that the Tories' own laziness is what will hurt them eventually - Coulson has been found out and may or may not go - I don't see Cameron sacking him at least, Cameron very rarely has the balls to sack anyone, as his behaviour during the expenses scandal has proven - but all this begins to take its toll on both parties, particularly as I have a hunch Norwich North might be an Independent gain if the expenses scandal is what drives the campaign forward. This won't help the Tories at all and the timing is utterly perfect - so perfect that one could think Dolly Draper or Mandy Mandelson must be behind it as revenge for Smeargate. Sad, but probably true, ventures Owlperson.

Advice to Coulson: Monstrous Growth - Green - Sorcery

The nightstalkers' little game of tease-the-squirrel suddenly took on an unexpected turn.

Coincidentally, Mr Coulson is a squirrel totem - and this shows him growing to enormous proportions. If he does keep his job, he has to grow up - he has to play nice, or the public won't like the people he advises.

Advice to the Tories/Cameron: Vintara Snapper - Green - Turtle

"The snapper is still when all else moves/And strikes when all are dozing." - Tales of the Vintara Forest.

The Tories need to lie still and stop bleating - and let Coulson be judged himself, or risk being dragged into this row. It's Coulson's doing as a newspaper journalist, not as a political spin doctor, but if he goes down, he should go down alone - not pulling Vulpes Vulpes with him. Thus the Tories could still jettison him while they have a chance. Unfortunately, of course, Cambo needs him as part of his "team" and thus is standing by him. Most of the time, people who become an embarrassment go very quickly when the person who is being tainted by association begins to suffer too, so I don't read too much into Cameron's initial endorsement of him. But a swift decapitation is needed to get them out of this mess too - they need to snap him off and leave him to face the music alone.

Warning to Coulson: Tidal Flats - Blue - Enchantment

The desolation and isolation of this card's art suggests Coulson really is alone, and that if things progress much further he will be abandoned by the Tories. Hopefully for the Tories' sake, the sooner the better; but a lot of people around Cameron are far too sticky for the Tories' own good, and Cameron shows a reluctance to get rid of people who are behaving badly which is a bad omen for government. But Coulson would certainly go if he became too toxic.

Warning to the Tories/Cameron: Icatian Moneychanger - White - Townsfolk

The concerns here are depicted by a figure who gives me the feel of the old slogan beginning "you have been weighed in the balance..." (or mene mene tekel upharsin). Perhaps Cameron should not stick to Coulson too long or he could be found rather wanting.

Direction: Merseine - Blue - Enchantment/Aura

This echoes the idea of the VIII of Swords in the traditional tarot, though without the connotation of the trap being a deadly one. Rather limitations restrict the situation to an outcome which may see the departure of another errant spin doctor. Removing the trap here requires strength, patience and resources, which are there but may or may not be used to greatest effect here. Regardless, the situation is one which is inescapable without a struggle.

Solution: Combat Medic - White - Soldier

"Although Icatia's Combat Medics borrowed much of their knowledge from other societies, their skills were their own." - Sarpadian Empires, vol. VI

Again the situation is soluble; with patience, thought and backbone things will definitely be better if the struggle is joined to get out of the net above with dignity. It's not an issue that is beyond hope for anyone concerned - but the right decisions have to be made without prejudice or arrogance.  Sadly, those two are qualities shared by our politicians of all stripes, so we should not really be holding our breath. 

Outcome: Icatian Scout - White - Soldier

"Scouting is the art of balancing the need to go undiscovered with the need to get all the information you can. It's only by Leitbur's good grace that I'm still alive today." - Ailis Connaut, Diary.

This is not do or die for the Tories, but they need to be aware of the pitfalls of association with Coulson and get better at recruiting spin doctors who can do what the scout does - gather information - without it being done in a dishonest or illegal way. The number of white cards in the latter part of the spread suggests it's not Gotterdammerung quite yet. It might also presage a return to honest spin as opposed to dirty tricks - which would be a relief after this spring and summer. But I still don't believe the party will emerged unscathed - it doesn't have a pedigree of doing the right thing over doing the expedient thing, nor does Cameron believe in reining in troublesome members who make him look bad. He may find himself no longer untouchable, but to be fair to him, I think he may raise his game a little bit more in response to this scandal than he would have done otherwise.

Game on.

I will dissect the issue with Andy Coulson a bit later but the CotD reading will read for both him and Vulpes Vulpes as they attempt to wriggle out of the universal law of fate that "what goes around, comes around".

COULSON:

Goblin Berserker - Red - Goblin

Goblins don't know the meaning of the word "tactics"—or the word "meaning," for that matter.

And Coulson doesn't know the meaning of the words "ethical journalism", either. Shafted. He's obviously the one in the wrong here, but if it goes to a Met investigation - will Cambo be so eager to endorse him?

CAMERON:

Counterspell - Blue - Instant

This card is the iconic "counter" to most spells in Magic - it, or its reworked variant Cancel (Cancel costs more to use and therefore is slower to come out in a game, making you save it for the really big things your opponent has to throw at you, like a Wrath of God, for instance) has won me a few games recently. To me this says that Cameron is the target of the countermagic - that his drive towards power trying to use Labour's dirty tricks against them (viz Smeargate) has fallen victim to the idea that journalists are never slow to challenge someone who sets themselves up as whiter than white. Cameron can't rely on Labour being hoisted on their own petard - he has to find something else, something genuinely positive to say about politics and policies before Coulson brings him down too.

Like I've been saying for three years now.

Jonathan Djanogly will today be quizzed by constituents on his claims for a cleaner and/or a nanny - it seems he employed her as a cleaner but she then advertised herself as a nanny/au pair on a certain website, raising questions similar to what Caroline Spelman was pilloried for last year over her payments from her Parliamentary allowance to her nanny.

The issue isn't really the bit about the nanny/au pair business - it's mainly that he only spent three days a month (on average) at the property. (His constituents might also like to question that bit too, whether in fact he is paying attention to Huntingdon properly, a seat inherited from John Major who, according to Owlperson, was much more solicitous of his constituents' goodwill.) £400 a month is quite a lot just for that. As usual it is the amount of money these people can claim from taxpayers in general

He is denying any impropriety and claiming that:

"I reconfirm my position that my claims were made within the law and the rules of the second-home allowance scheme," he said.

and yet:

"I will not make any further claims in respect of my second home until the system has been reformed."

Yet he was prepared to claim on an unreformed system for all this time. Like so much of the current crop of MPs, the people who are now falling over themselves to suggest reforms are the people for whom it became second nature to claim these sums, for properties which have in some cases (also see Alan and Ann Keen - Labour are far from whiter than white on this score either) remained empty for long periods of time. Djanogly is a millionaire, and, like the Keens with their double salary, it might also be fair to say that he could pay for it out of his own pocket rather than having to claim from the taxpayer. But that's too simple for some people.

A card, perhaps, for how Mr Djanogly will fare when he meets his constituents today:

Balefire Liege - White/Red - Spirit Horror

The card depicts an incorporeal but nonetheless potent and dangerous spirit who gives fillips to both red and white creatures - a nod to the sophistication involved with Djanogly's demeanour and the rage bubbling beneath his constituents' skin. The scandal is by no means over (and Benedict Brogan in the Telegraph last night asked why Djanogly's claim had been missed by Cameron's "strict" audit) - and although the reception will be civil, it will also be mutedly hostile. The spirit of the scandal burns away - but the rage is focussed and curt rather than diffuse and ineffective. Djanogly will run a gauntlet, and will probably survive, but be damaged with the rest of the Parliament of Manure until someone can come in and sort it all out properly.

Today's card is again interesting - they always are.

Spike Hatcher - Green - Spike

Something begins strong, but is cannibalising itself either to strengthen others or to keep itself in contention. With the Government putting down a rebellion on the 10p tax rate, Spike Hatcher shows the propensity for regeneration in this context is quite phenomenal, but this warns Gordon and co that such Houdini episodes are ultimately just postponing the agony. Gordon is in command but he is using his finite resources to keep himself going and as such I'm not sure how long he will last once we get some proper discussion and debate going. I have no desire personally to see him go - except down to a proper Tory administration - but it's not up to me, it's up to him to use his strength, resources and +1/+1 counters effectively before they run out altogether. There is a lack on this card of getting any more: when they're gone, they're gone.

How much longer Spike Hatcher will keep going, I'm not sure. But the resources are only finite, so Gordon must use them sparingly and, in a political context, try to mollify his jittery party and point them towards the real solution - that the Tories will currently fall at the first hurdle they come to without serious effort on their part to start leading the debate.

Not sure whether this is funny, sad or something else but Amnesty's Control Arms group on Facebook has thrown up this fascinating blogger who uses Lego to portray human rights abuses and images of genocide.

A novel concept. The impact is probably starker considering that the medium used is so novel. I'm actually slightly worried - you don't really know whether to laugh or cry at it, and end up doing the former. The blog is not as vividly written as the Darfur tableaux shown by Amnesty, a pity because it would otherwise be a very novel way of building a unique political outlook on the world. There could also be a slight conflict of opinion in here - she seems very left-wing and try as I might, I can't get worked up about international politics or the Middle East any more. Coming from a Northern Irish Protestant background I find it hard to see the world totally black and white - I would be for Irish unity but the practical obstacles are much bigger; and Owlie, while sympathising with the Palestinian issue and hating Ariel Sharon with a vengeance, points out repeatedly that Israel has acted mainly in self-defence - up to and including Gaza. The more the Arab states around it target it, the more it is going to go overboard in defending itself; and it is, after all, one of the few democracies that exist in that region.

Legofesto doesn't touch on either situation but I find her expression lacking in subtlety, as if one side is always right and one side always wrong. I may utterly despise David Cameron and all he stands for, but I am prepared to admit he has said one thing of more than passing interest and worth in the past three and a half years - "sunlight is the best disinfectant". (It certainly has been over this spring and summer!) Not even Owlie, on the opposite bench, would say that the Cabinet lacks humanity or loves war - neither does the Shadow Cabinet. Although he did at the time vote for the Iraq War, he did come to believe we'd been duped - or that the top brass were duped. Inside Westminster, the debate was much fuller and more complete, and to give Blair some credit over this, up until Hutton and Butler (where he started to become deluded into thinking his judgment was infallible, leading to the cringeworthy interview early in 2006 when he told Michael Parkinson God told him to do it), at the time of the original debate, he came over as insecure and only believing what someone told him to believe.

This makes him foolish, in hock to his own puppetmasters and naive, but I don't think anyone did this out of a love of war, except perhaps "What a Dick!" Cheney and Rumsfeld, who can both go to hell.

Still, to do the Darfur tableaux, I think subtlety is the last thing anyone needs to have.

Excuse me for the nonsense title but Edward Lear might have been on to something about 21st century government.

Andrew Neil steps in with a lucid and - for once! - highly critical (and not just subtly biased) discussion of the Tories' quango bonfire proposals.

It's not so much about which quangos protect which vulnerable element of society but about what really is a quango. Good read and quite informative, and restores part of my faith in the media's ability to scrutinise Parliament effectively after the unctuous Kitty Ussher was allowed to sneak past under the BS radar last week.

Doubtless quangos need reform and their directors possibly need a pay cut but if we are going to reduce spending in the long run we have to provide a robust programme of tricky reform not just axe bodies which are better off being divorced from government to ensure that political manipulation can't be used to distort their remit.

Today's card of the day may refer to the barrage of spending cuts that seem unwise, naive or criminally insane, depending on whether you have ever been bombarded by arrogant telemarketers that . Getting rid of quangos I think we'd all agree with, but the Tories really need to be questioned as to whether they believe that getting rid of regulators like Ofcom would not cause more problems in the long run. They have lost all sense of good governance in this - not that they had much perspective in the first place anyway - and may cause more trouble in the long run if this is their plan to reduce the national debt.

Grapeshot Catapult - Artifact

Recent research suggests these creatures were invented by Urza's and Mishra's original master, Tocasia, and that both brothers used them.

The bland flavour text here gives us insight into the nonchalance with which the Tories present their programme for spending cuts - but the name of the card suggests it's just not enough to really make a dent in the debt, and the artwork - depicting goblins, not known for their intelligence - suggest it's another crude "vote-grabber" to go after the Daily Mail vote as usual. The absence of any thought into what happens when we vapourise much of the system that keeps the consumer protected against unscrupulous realities of corporate practice which makes it too easy for a company to keep someone on a mobile phone contract when they need to cancel it, for example.

Why do the Tories do this? We could say any agency or quango is necessary and protects people from something. But - like the people who make fun of the Health and Safety Executive who don't really realise that the HSE would have a field day with my employer and effectively shut him down if they saw some of the things that he does at his shop - the Tories don't understand that these bodies protect people on the ground from the worst abuses of corporate capitalism. They are taking pot-shots - as in the card - at the framework which makes sure people like me - who certainly won't vote Tory if these policies are taken seriously by the cognoscenti a million miles away from abusive telemarketers and absent health and safety regulations (out of date food is stored in our shop's fridges, rather than removed to the back room, meaning that customers' health is put in danger from possible cross-contamination).

A sad day for Britain if spending cuts are more important than protecting the vulnerable from corporate sharks. And a sad day for the Tories as they have definitely now lost my vote at the next election. 

Today's card of the day is...interesting, to say the least. Sorry for not writing over the weekend, but I felt it less easy to write two weekend cards because not much usually happens. This weekend did involve Facebook, MI6 and some rather less-covert-than-expected revelations, but they're gone now, so nothing really did happen. Trust me. It didn't...

Rain of Filth - Black - Instant

Today's card of the day is...

Goatnapper - Red - Goblin Rogue

Kith goats are just for practice. The real prize, of course, is a giant's cloudgoat.

Whatever happens now is a way in, a way of weakening someone in order to get to the real paydirt. It could refer to George Osborne - this could refer to a repeat of Yachtgate; Owlperson is shaking his head but Deep Throat is giving me this so it could be that Owlie is concerned that I am getting too excited while DT knows more about how this develops over a longer period of time. Basically, GO is not in any particular political danger. But the story is largely target practice for bigger game. The expenses scandal, and even Yachtgate, is not over quite yet.

Shame it comes from his local Tatton Labour Party rather than anyone else, as that kind of thing is easily brushed aside as party political motivation. Osborne's CGT issue will not be investigated as this is a matter - apparently - for HMRC.

Quite interesting that the Shadow Chancellor will be investigated by the department he may be responsible for after the Tories return to government, but stranger things have happened, such as Alistair Darling claiming tax advice on expenses and essentially getting away with it.

I look forward to HMRC being called in but I think the end of the world will happen before that. However, with Pluto in our collective national birth sign, Capricorn, stranger things have happened.

A card each for Osborne's past, present and future. An extra card fell out of the pack while I was shuffling, and for tarot readers this card is often important to the situation as a whole, so let's have it as a Situation card and then draw three more cards.

Situation - Smokebraider (Red, Elemental Shaman)

"Be silent and listen to your inner fire. Only then can you walk the path of flame."

In all this, the Tories are being scrutinised before they get a chance to enter government. They have had a fairly smooth ride so far, and since Yachtgate didn't remove him, he has to stand up to the "sunlight" he and Cambo have been assuring us is the "best disinfectant". How he behaves in this will provide a judgement on his suitability to be Chancellor. He should accept this challenge, but too often the Tories are arrogant enough to assume that the characteristics of Pluto in Sagittarius (PinS - henceforth Pluto in Cap is "PinC") - a ruling orthodoxy in the media and a free ride while their opponents are trampled underfoot - still apply. With Pluto entering Capricorn during Yachtgate, the Tories were surprised when their attempts to smear Mandelson rebounded on them. Essentially, this was a sign that the motto for this cuspal era, while PinS is blowing itself out and PinC is beginning to establish itself, that "what goes around comes around" and "he who fights by the sword dies by the sword" means greater balance in the press and greater opportunity to hold people of both sides to account for their actions. Osborne should look on this as a test. If he passes it, great, he is made of good stern stuff and can take on the role of Chancellor easily. If he fails...no dice. The Past/Present/Future spread will give me more of an idea whether he will pass or not.

Past - Elvish Promenade (Green, Enchantment)

"The faultless and immaculate castes form the lower tiers of elvish society, with the exquisite caste above them. At the pinnacle is the perfect, a consummate blend of aristocrat and predator."

Osborne indeed has lived by the sword. He was responsible for spinning against Mandelson, and it backfired because he expected to escape scrutiny due to the assumed media swing to the Tories. He hoped also to assume the mantle of a faultless or even become a perfect - and again the role of a politician in PinS was to be predator or prey. His old boss Howard became prey to Blair, but he and Cambo assumed they would be the predators to Brown. When the scandal hit, they hoped to use it to their advantage - and failed because they were also prey to a media who declared any politician fair game. So Osborne not only was a Perfect - by elvish standards - but assumed the mantle of a predator. Auden quoted the maxim "He to whom is evil done, does evil in return" in a poem about the Spanish Civil War. Sadly, the prey in 2005 is the predator in 2009 - but that maxim is becoming too apparent in the modern Conservative Party, at the expense of any idea of dignity, gravitas and coherent plans for long-term government. I prefer Brown's method of government, and in PinC that style of government becomes more and more necessary to cope with the potential collapses PinC augurs in the world financial system. So we must never assume the mantle of a perfect. But Osborne and Cameron know no better, and have.

Present - Duskwalker (Black, Minion)

Osborne (and, in my opinion Cameron too; since he is wedded to Osborne and didn't ditch him in late 2008 like someone more astute might have done in the wake of Yachtgate) is now corrupted by being part of the winning side, and is hoping to walk forward untested and unjudged into government. Not possible. If the heat of a general election wouldn't get him, the light of the expenses scandal might. The card is still powerful, but this power has been bought in exchange for his purity and incorruptibility. And guess what? He too has CGT bills he avoided. He can no longer stand up to the scrutiny PinC will bring. Even if he wins, he will be tainted, as his leader is, and unlike some of the older generation brought up in power under the forces of Pluto in Scorpio, where real deaths and real rebirths were constantly testing the mettle of Michael Howard and Ken Clarke, among others - the Hillsborough and Zeebrugge disasters, the Lockerbie bombings and Kegworth air crashes, the poll tax riots and other chaos, ending with the cuspal Dunblane massacre, exposed the government to scrutiny, forced their hands and ultimately led to the Tories' downfall. The intervening years have been all the worse for lack of scrutiny of government, and then opposition. But what that leads to is corruption that is now subject to scrutiny. Power for the Tories has come at a price. And the image of choking dust suggests more metaphorical clouds gathering to act as the abrasive scrutiny we all need and deserve.

Future - Lammastide Weave (Green, Instant)

"A ribbon torn will ward away dark dreams."

I'm going to give this a conservative reading and say we will find out Osborne's fate at Lammastide - early August. I can foresee a good ending - for all concerned - but the card points to what it has come to represent for me, and Osborne will have to wait for the judgement on his expenses, as will we, since July is going to be more evasion than actual enlightenment. It is a generous card, so I am allowing Deep Throat to come in and say that Osborne like others will be judged by the general election, but that things will be settled largely before then, so Lammastide is a fair reading for this card and attempts to guess what will happen will have to wait for that time for now.

And they think we're going to believe this. She should be made to stand up before the people who watch Daily Politics and say why she is really leaving, just how much she owes in CGT, and be made to write a cheque live on air.

Up until a few weeks ago, Kitty Ussher was the high-flying Exchequer Secretary to the Treasury, a job description which needs at least an A-level in Mastery of Tongue-Twisters to write, not to mention say. She resigned from the government because, as Wikipedia states:

On the 17th June 2009, after controversial details of MP's expenses had been released in the press Ussher resigned, citing a desire to "prevent embarrassment to the government" .Ussher is said to have flipped the designation of her second home from Burnley to South London, in order to avoid Capital Gains Tax estimated at between £9,750 and £16,800 on her Burnley property.

Essentially, another one caught with her hand in the CGT till. If she really felt this way, why was she a high-flying junior minister?

She claims to be leaving Parliament, essentially, to spend more time with her family, and not that her short and relatively inglorious career led her to commit tax evasion with public money. Although not yet a criminal offence, under GB's new ideas she'd face a year in jail. Hopefully if these laws come into effect they will make it retrospective.

Bye-bye Kitty. We all know the reasons you're standing down, and you're using the oldest excuse in the book. No need to pretend why you're doing it - people appreciate honesty in their MPs, and unfortunately, you being MP for Burnley might just have given the BNP more votes. Please don't let us face the prospect of a BNP MP...oops, you might already have.

The future is dim - the future is Nick Griffin. Hopefully, Labour can turn this one around, but I don't put it past the public mood, and this video does you no favours. In a time when we need truth - however ugly it is - we get another corrupt little porker who thinks she can slide into genteel obscurity. Wasn't that hard to get elected - but how hard will this make Labour's re-election in Burnley next time? One can only guess and hope and pray you don't send us into a re-run of 1933.

Let's have a look at this through the lens of the oracle cards.

Kitty Ussher - person/MP

Fertile Ground - Green - Enchantment/Aura

Pretty, valuable, and delicious - a boggart thief's trifecta.

Kitty tried to have her cake and eat it, and was a very promising young MP and minister. She appeared quite a tasty scalp for the Telegraph, and the elements of thievery here relate to the CGT issues. Without a moral compass, the 2005 intake - who could use Blair and Howard for their own gains and dump them when the coast was clear - have been seduced by the cornucopia of what was offered. Most candidates now will learn the pitfalls of such an approach, and one can only hope that the 2009-2010 intake will have learned from their predecessors wrongs. Tasty, fertile - and tempting. One could be referring to Ms Ussher and to Parliament here...but the party's over, kiddo.

Ostensible Reasons for Leaving

Elvish Branchbender - Green - Elf Druid

"How do the vinebred feel? Fah! We do not ask the puppet how it feels when the puppeteer bids it dance."

In the video, Kitty claims to feel that her children only see her on the Parliament channel given the workload. Owlperson advises here: it's possible to balance family life, even as a man, with parliamentary demands, particularly given the family-friendly hours. He confesses to feeling some sympathy for her - and it is no coincidence that "spending more time with the family" was once a genuine excuse to leave front-line politics, even if it became a euphemism for other less savoury events leading to resignation - but this sympathy is outweighed by the sheer incendiary nature of the video given that she was an ambitious minister who suddenly had to find a reason to leave with dignity. If she was operating under the new rules she would have got a prison sentence. So what the Daily Politics is thinking about the intelligence of the people seeing the video, he doesn't know, and why they - who were propelling the expenses scandal forward - are now trying to downgrade it is also anyone's guess. Again, bias gets in the way of revealing unpalatable truths. Perhaps Ms Ussher should be forced to make a second video - this time giving her real reasons for standing down.

Real Reasons for Leaving

Thick-Skinned Goblin - Red - Goblin Shaman

The shaman of the tribe is responsible for keeping track of all its treasures, including angry pets, cursed lamps of fiery doom, and CGT bills from HMRC.

Owlperson's addition. Ussher is just another person caught with her knickers down, a goblin with a knowing smile on her face thinking to Andrew Neil - will this do, Brillo-Pad? The great thing about TV is that the public have very limited right of reply.The even better - and scarier in the context of Burnley - thing is that the public have an extensive right of reply at the next election. Which is coming. Soon. Labour better put pressure on Ussher to do another slot, distance themselves from her, and select a decent successor for Burnley. Otherwise the nauseating spectacle of European election night and Nick Griffin could be repeated. For Westminster. If we don't stop these people hiding behind a benign spending-more-time-with-the-family smokescreen - or if we keep giving them peerages ;) - we will lose a lot more than just a couple of scamming bastards.

Outcome for Burnley

Wing Storm - Green - Sorcery

A thousand wings beating as one can choke the sky itself.

Burnley is going to be in ferment, not necessarily solely because of the video (though the BNP could plausibly do a version like the Downfall parodies, inserting subtitles to show Ussher's real reason - their marketing has got a lot better in recent years and I don't put it past them to do this) but because of the scandal in general. The elder in the picture is confronted by the horde of birds and flying animals beseiging him, which shows to me a public revolt. The green card suggests it may not be the BNP Labour are under threat from here, and it is more likely to show public dissatisfaction with the political system itself than just with the Burnley Labour Party. But the force here is a force for good, not evil, so something must happen to put the BNP on the back foot, if not Labour back on the right one.

Happy Birthday to my mother. Mustn't forget her present that I bought her in Hereford Cathedral the other week.

Today's card of the day is...

Tidal Flats - Blue - Enchantment

Interesting card, not so much because the wasteland depicted in the card suggests the calm after a storm but also that the intricate rules text suggests to me that a lot more is going on behind a flat and bare surface. While the parched atmosphere is inducing lethargy in our politicians, there are still machinations there - you just have to look beyond the surface to see them.

...Michael "Owlbastard" Martin is to get a peerage.

Just speechless about this so let's see what my cards say. It's the Leaf Dancer again. I promise I shuffled the pack but that kind of convinces me that this situation comes into conjunction with the Card of the Day. I can just see the Torygraph front page tomorrow...

Martin has slipped passed us under the radar and speared himself a nice, plump "retirement" present that goes beyond any possible semblance of a joke. It's a great Tom Lehrer moment - you know, the guy who said satire was dead when Henry Kissinger received the Nobel Peace Prize - isn't it?

Today's Card of the Day is rather agile and evasive, and since I pulled a similar card for PMQs, I suspect it may have a bearing on what Brown avoids saying rather than what he actually does say.

Leaf Dancer - Green - Centaur

"A leaf dancer sweeps through the forest like a spring breeze, evading even the sharpest eyes and ears."

Brown may find himself out on a limb again but his agility here means he escapes from PMQs with his honour, if not dignity, intact. "Forestwalk" is the keyword on this card, which allows the creature to attack unblocked if the defending player controls a forest card (used to provide green "mana") so the centaur pictured, representing Brown according to Deep Throat, can even land a blow or two on Mr Foxy. But Foxy, being a woodland animal himself, may have other things up his sleeve.

As to who wins, I get the green card

Lammastide Weave - Green - Instant

"A ribbon torn will ward away dark dreams"

As such the winner is not obvious but Deep Throat is saying that the PM will at least acquit himself well, if not turn the tables back on Vulpes Vulpes. The dark dreams - for now - are kept at bay, but they are still there.