I remember where I was when it was whispered in my ear that perhaps I would enjoy Dungeons and Dragons. Just like that, in the relevant department at Hamley’s, I became a big fan of the fantasy role-playing game; my best friend Zoe was into it as well and an avid fan of the Pern Dragonrider series by Anne MacCaffrey (which I have never read to date, preferring Feist, Weis and Hickman and David Eddings for my fantasy bread and butter). Escaping into a world of gargantuan lizards with noble elves sat on their back, trying desperately to grapple with Lord of the Rings in the queue for school dinners at Wycombe High School, and imagining myself and my friends as heroes in our own fantasy universe, there are immense parallels at time between art and life. Looking at life through these eyes makes it a bit less mundane. Although perhaps we have to come down to earth at some point (gastric flu really helps in that regard, twenty four gruesome hours of being sick and then the two-day hangover afterwards – not nice), the current goings-on at Westminster to me have brought back some of the excitement of an epic fantasy cycle where the keys to the kingdom really do hang in the balance.
On and off I have, since that afternoon in 1992, enjoyed the odd game or five not only of Magic: The Gathering (not simply “Magic” because of the difficulty in copyrighting that single word for a single game, but hereafter “Magic” with a capital M will refer to the trading card game, or TCG) but of Dungeons and Dragons itself, and although the expense can become prohibitive at times and I duck out for a while, it always drags me back in. In the spring I went to Brighton for a couple of days and, due to the interminable diet of pop-non-fiction I was reading (“Blood River”, the trip up the Congo by Telegraph journalist Tim Butcher didn’t hold my attention, being a mere catalogue of his trip rather than a really coherent whole book, and on starting Lewis Page’s “Lions, Donkeys and Dinosaurs” – a polemic against waste and bureaucracy in the military – during a rather dull dinner at Zizzi’s on the first night, I went out the next morning and found a shop selling knock-down copies of the Forgotten Realms series of books...and I was hooked back in again. It helps that Owlperson claims he was the one who whispered into my ear about D&D back in 1992; and if you believe that, you’ll believe that the Krynnish cataclysm is being played out in front of our very eyes this summer at Westminster.
What I enjoy about Magic is that there is an intelligence and strategy about the game, and a wide community. While it will never surpass chess as a game of kings – for obvious commercial as well as practical reasons – the game is proving resilient enough to survive the “fad” phase and enter a venerability for commercial products that rivals D&D itself – in fact when the original D&D company folded in the late 1990s, Wizards of the Coast, who launched Magic in 1993 as the first ever TCG took it over. I don’t want this to become an infomercial for the game or the company, but the lead designer Mark Rosewater is one of the best bloggers-that-never-were with his articles on designing the game providing a deep insight into the psychology of the game as well as the necessary puff-pieces for new product. Reading his columns is like reading something that cuts through a lot of the verbiage and spin put out in newspapers and magazines these days and although to appreciate a lot of the articles you would need a basic appreciation of the game itself, I’ve come to value his weekly column because it chimes with the way I too see the world – not just as a series of mundane exercises in pointless manipulation, but as an adventure where someone can really change and create something – a grow-your-own-adventure, if you will. He also writes thousands of words at a time, proving to me you can be a successful columnist and not have to compress your writings into a single page. An archive of articles can be found here.
On to the meat of my own column – since I’ve titled this Part 1: Labour it must follow that there will be something political about it. I only really want to test the cards out for now, to see whether they provide a sharper definition of the real issues facing the party (or, in the case of the Parts 2 and 3 and possibly 4,863, other parties, other figures, and other situations that might arise). I will go back to using tarot at some point, and perhaps vary from week to week or situation to situation, but having 10,000 potential cards to choose from – not all of them in my own collection – there are possibilities to define the situation at hand sharper than using the tarot, which despite having a potential 156 outcomes – assuming one card spreads and reversals – is often too symbolic for my intuitive mind to compute what it precisely means. Magic speaks in real-world animal symbols (the Ashcoat Bear I mentioned in my last article), in activity, in language which uses active situations rather than archetypal symbols. For someone able to clairvoyantly see what each card means, tarot remains a universal means of fortune-telling with a focus. For someone like me, who is at this stage of my development very decidedly “off” but in communication with spirits who guide and advise rather than foretell, it makes it easier for me to understand what messages I am being given, particularly about poor old John Bercow, the most recent subject of my Magic readings.
Without further ado, here is a simple Celtic Cross spread for the way ahead for the Labour Party. All links go to the Gatherer database which provides an image of each card I draw. Apologies to Wizards of the Coast if I tread on any copyright issues here but I don’t plan on trying to infringe these, merely using the cards under fair use clause.
PART 1: THE LABOUR PARTY
Situation:
Ray of Distortion: Instant
Labour are currently in the position of apparently being in office but not in power. But is this really the case? The warping effect of the current scandal, the lack of coherent and concrete opposition, and the ability of New Labour to get out of similar depths of electoral unpopularity in the past suggest to me that we are not seeing the real depths of the situation and we need to filter this of partisan barracking and the fact that the Tories seem to be equally at a loss to control what is going on. The difference between now and, say, 1996 is that there is no one power base in parliament, just a petty melee of hopelessness on both sides. The Ray of Distortion thus counsels us not to view anything as a fait accompli quite yet.
Opposing forces:
Deeptread Merrow: Creature – Merfolk Rogue
“My success at navigating the Dark Meanders irritates the Inkfathom school. They consider themselves peerless divers, but I try to remind them that they cannot own commodities like bravery and cunning.”
The issues which Labour neglect are increasing plots rather than calmer seas ahead, particularly as regards their leadership, and there are also concerns that their own scheming – seen this week over Margaret Beckett – will damage and derail hopes of a return to more policy-orientated discussions, where they do have the advantages. Letting plots get out of control could be fatal if it damages their ability to govern and their ultimate majority in the Commons.
Public appearance:
Herbal Poultice: Artifact
“Apply orange leaf to a wound at dawn to clean it, at dusk to prevent the same injury from happening again” – Kithkin superstition
If Labour were ever to recover sufficient to win a general election, it might be now while their opponents are caught in the same parliamentary trap and unable to make serious play of their own virtues. If the Prime Minister can grasp that he is still perhaps regarded as the best policy-maker out there he may save his politicking until things get firmer for him. The public may even be recovering from their feeding frenzy and beginning to trust again, though much more of this pettiness may permanently seal everyone’s fate. Thus Labour must not lose sight of their public policy agenda, but it may become difficult to rely on it in the long term.
Inner realities:
Wanderer’s Twig: Artifact
For every tree who falls, there are countless sprouts waiting to rise.
This is broadly positive card, again, with the caveat that deadwood has to be cleared away still. The party is running out of raw material, but maybe within the mulch of their backbench there still remain potential candidates to replace the fallen, and the soil may still prove to be fertile down there.
Roots of the current situation
Changeling Berserker: Creature – Shapeshifter
Labour were able to rebalance temporarily, and are ploughing on towards the next election hopeful they can sort things out to make sure they scrape through. This momentum may not be very stable, and like berserkers in games and fantasy fiction, they may find that the struggle exhausts them so much so any current victories may well end up pyrrhic. Dealing with this mutability and changeability is the secret to solving Labour’s issues and trying to go forward.
Seeds sown by the current situation
Primal Forcemage: Creature – Elf Shaman
Their calls unheeded by the withered forests, nature shamans channelled the life force of their brethren.
Labour summon courage seemingly from nowhere and begin to get the situation under control. They find the energy from somewhere, certainly, but it is a rather temporary and one-shot energy and it is still unclear to me who will come out best from this situation.
Existing resources
Freyalise’s Radiance: Enchantment
Again, another card referring to keeping the situation under control and the worst aspects at bay until a more lasting solution can be found. Although most of these cards suggest sudden spurts of energy and solutions found to immediate problems, they can only at best keep the situation at arm’s length and are not lasting or permanent enough to really solve Labour’s internal problems. There is no real ability to sustain this power without massive resources, and I’m not sure Labour possess this mettle any more. Whether the opposition can do things better is an issue (Owlperson begs to interrupt here with that) but that is a matter for the Conservative part coming later.
Personnel issues
Brassclaw Orcs: Creature – Orc
“A whole skin is worth a thousand victories.” – Orcish Veteran of the Battle of Montford
Labour need to rely on the courage and the perseverance of their top brass to keep the government going and replenished after resignations after the expense scandal; but they cannot really here rely on people who are desperate to save themselves at the expense of others. The situation veers between wanting to keep Labour alive in government as the Tories for themselves managed in 1992, and going down to a lesser defeat now to maintain a parliamentary presence better than that that happened to their rivals in 1997. The situation has been dragging towards petty personal ends for months, which worries and upsets someone who cares about the state of the country that has to live through this lack of firm command on both sides. How can we be led by cowards when we need lions to deal with the grave global issues we face? Perhaps we are about to understand the consequences of short-term politicking by both parliamentary factions.
Issues with the new Speaker
Orcish Spy: Creature – Orc
“You idiot! Never let the spies mingle with the Orcish regulars after completing a mission. Now we’ll never get them to fight!” – General Khurzog
If Labour really did install John Bercow as Speaker because they wanted to get one up on the Tories, they may manage to destabilise the Opposition because of the possibility that this reflects badly on the competency of the Opposition to balance the neutrality of Parliament with their own petty ends. The squabbles don’t seem to be abating – but have thrown a new player into the ghastly mix. Bercow might have been mingling with the regulars, but Owlperson confides that the card is more appropriately read as a warning to Labour not to expect him to be a safe pair of hands either – that Bercow has always been a law unto himself and represents the nadir of the idea of neutrality rather than a true upholder of Parliament’s honour. Labour inserted him, the Tories lost their nerve and rose to the bait – and Parliament is dragged further downhill.
Direction
Combat Medic: Creature – Human Soldier
“We’d no sooner knock ‘em back on their heels that that accursed sawbones would show up and patch ‘em back together again.” – Ivra Jursdotter, pp David Cameron
Interpreting this rather cynically, Labour do have an amazing tendency to calm down and face-forward. The healing element of this card suggests that, although the longer it lasts the harder it is to stop the momentum destroying everything, the party is not dead yet and is actually recuperating after a torrid spring. The cards have never lied to me; they may be obtuse at times but the clear message here is a respite from the fray and the restoration, however temporary, of some sort of health.
Solution
Icatian Priest: Creature – Human Cleric
“May you be strong and valiant, to defeat the enemies of the pure.” – “Leitbur’s Prayer”
Again, it is not over for Labour, because they have strong friends still and from their own ranks will come someone to assist them to at least survive the summer, although whether it will be strong enough to repair the damage totally is another matter. This complements the Combat Medic because it restores pride and hope after the immediate medical aid given to the party when it comes off life support. The battle is not over and the war not yet entirely won, but at least skirmishes may prove more successful in the near future.
Outcome
Carapace: Enchant Creature
“The tougher to crack, the sweeter the snack.” – Kakra, Sea Troll
Labour have proved more resilient than the Tories have because they have a shared ideology (Owlperson is suggesting this even as a Conservative himself). The Tories’ strengths lie elsewhere, but although the flavour text suggests some ominous ending, it still enables Labour to harden and stiffen the party’s resolve; though the ability of the card to sacrifice itself to regenerate – or revive the chosen creature – means that there may not be a second chance if the hide is pierced this time.
Significant events during the summer
Spore Cloud: Instant
The fog in this card suggests that the situation begun in May will trundle on all summer and damage the party’s ability to focus on anything but the chaotic and poisonous system. There isn’t much hope of a return to normal; and of course spores mean fungus will spread to anything Labour try and use to dampen down the flames. The party should concentrate on politics for the summer with conference in hand to try and begin things anew, though the rest of the readings for the autumn and winter foretell wider Parliamentary chaos ahead.
Significant events during the autumn
Vodalian Mage: Creature – Merfolk Wizard
“Come back, cowards! Everyone knows Merfolk can’t wield magic!” – Pashadar Dirf, Goblin Flotilla Commander, last words
This to me is the wild card in the situation. The flavour text points to someone that Labour do not perceive as a threat but suddenly surprises everyone by becoming one before Labour can do anything about it. I will have to see this from the Conservative side, but Owlie says this is why he suggested using the Magic cards rather than the Tarot because they offer more direct ideas on the issue of who will sort this out for us. The blue of the card suggests this figure which Labour fail to take seriously will be a Tory; but I can’t imagine Brown being surprised by Cameron, who seems as complacent as ever, and I will have to look at their personal cards for a clue to who the Vodalian Mage is. Still, it gives us a nice name for the Wild Card, even more pithy than Wild Card itself.
